Project : Built-in Happiness! : ))

REFLECTION 101

"Do you know that month when graduation days usually fall, when I had to deliver my oh- so- long graduation speech,  when I had to take a leap of faith, when separation happens, when mind over matter cease to work and when universe conspires to make you the unluckiest person on the planet? That's April. It is my most hated month that I don't even bother getting into specifics. Believe me or not, these evil-driven events happens annually like a festival every April. And now, I'm decided to break that cycle and realize that it's all in the mind. Hence, I'm writing this." 

I almost decided not to write anything for this month. I couldn't think of anything sensible to write. I thought, maybe I should direct my attention to something else. I went vintage and thrift shopping, bonded with friends, and did everything else that could help me get rid off toxic thoughts that originated from the workplace, the graduation photos of my former college and high school classmates on Facebook  and countless other reasons. The euphoria and temporary escape keeps wearing off every time I go home. Then, I realize I should acknowledge them, instead of pretending I am not affected. Finally, there was one day, I had to find a place to break my one thousand peso bill before hopping into a bus. I went  inside a bookstore and randomly pulled up a copy of "Good Housekeeping" from a stash of old magazines and paid it. So, I read and read and read until Voila! I found something worth- pondering!



I call it my ultimate fashion find. So, yes, we're talking about man's ultimate goal in life since the dawn of humanity...."Happiness". Sounds preachy and overrated, doesn't it? But hmmmm...let's give it a try.

http://www.uber-facts.com/2012/11/happiness-is-genetic/

Happiness comes in different form. The form of happiness I just found which (again) I call my ultimate fashion find is BUILT-IN HAPPINESS. It doesn't ring a bell, does it? I got it from an article on Good Housekeeping written by  Gretchen Rubin, a blogger of happinesproject.com which is all about her daily pursuit of vitamin glee. The write up was like asking me, "aren't you freakin' tired of writing "bitterness" blogs",  of crying for the same lame reason, of whining about the same old crap and of putting the best face on?" 

The answers is yes which is why I'm gonna go ahead do myself a favor and get that built-in happiness I deserve at all cost and by all means. 

So what's Built-in Happiness? Well, you know what happiness is. You probably have your own definition of it, while "Built-in" is something that is non- detachable or a permanent part of a unit or system. In other words, it is "non- detachable happiness". The next question is, "oh really? In this complex world where even the most trivial matter can trigger stress, how could happiness be non- detachable?"

Before, I'll even answer that question and share my own view about it. Here are the three keys to that "H" word and how to get and keep it according to Gretchen. 

1. Self- acknowledge. It translates to knowing yourself which is really very elementary. The author said that we can only build a happy life only on the foundation of our own interests, natures and values. " Although, I can choose what I do, I can't choose what I like to do. I wish I had a passion for music, but I just don't....just because something is fun for other people doesn't mean it is fun for me and vice versa...I've found that the more faithfully I'm able to " Be Gretchen" in my daily life, the happier I become." She reiterated. After all, we are only hanging out with ourselves all day long. 

2. Anticipation. That's just the first stage, considering that it is really hard to be happy when the future holds no pleasant promises. The next stages are:

• Savoring- enjoy the moment (turn off your cellphone!)
• Expression- amplifying your pleasure to heighten the experience.(does not include posting your rage on facebook.haha.)
• Reflection- looking back on happy times.Go pull out your photo album! (sounds like counting your blessings)

3. Love. It may seem "cheesy" but she included it anyway. Admit it, Loving is the most endorphin- generating activity, you'll ever experience. (remember loving, not flirting. XD) "For most of us, time, energy and money are in short supply, so when we are trying to figure out how to get the biggest happiness bang for the buck, it's wise to spend on strengthening bonds with family, friends and coworkers," Rubin explained. She asked whether you want to splurge for train ticket to a college friend or a pair of boots; stay at home watching TV or make plans to meet a friend. "To connect more deeply with people, I need to build my own independent happiness"- She concluded. She based it on her reflection on a haunting passage from Bon Dylan's  Strange, Brilliant Memoir Chronicles: vol. one. He writes: "I looked at the menu, then I looked at my wife. The one thing about her that I always loved was that she was never one of those people who thinks that someone else is the answer to their happiness. Me or anybody else. She has always had her own built-in happiness." That's the reason why I call it my new fashion find. Smiling (happiness made-obvious) indeed is the most attractive accessory of a woman or a man. What makes a person more beautiful is when he is able to radiate positive vibes by being happy. 

Can't seem to get enough from it? Neither can I. I said (still not convinced), "Well, better said than done. What happened to built-in happiness when you just lost a loved one, or was dumped by a lover or broke up with your partner?" uh oh. and Since Gretchen can't give me an answer to that (unless I was the one who personally interviewed her), I just answered my own question. Well, those are valid reasons to cry. That's part of the moving on process. But it is not a valid reason to dwell upon for a long period of time...because hey! You were happy before him/her, so there's no reason you can't be happy without him now. MOVE ON and get a  life. Make it a part of your learning experience. 

"By being emotionally self- sufficient...I free myself from depending on other people to boost me up or letting them drag me...when I have built-in happiness, I don't act like a happiness vampire who sucks every happy energy from other people or craves a lifeblood of praise, affirmation or reassurance to support my happiness." she said matter-of- factly. 

So here's my own way of getting that built- happiness in addition to what Gretchen stated:

It isn't built-in if I've just gotten it, right? Then, I therefore say that I already have it since I was born. God secured a hardwired happiness for us. I just didn't realize it, until now. 
                                                                                                                       

• Be You-tiful: rule of thumb- don't try to be someone else. That's identity theft. That's what I was guilty of before when I was still a people-pleaser. When I started being "Mary Ann", I learned accepting the way people are. I realized that after reading a passage on John Maxwell's book: THINK BIG, " Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll know what little chance you have on trying to change others." 
  

• Be an excellent accountant of your blessings: Like they said, " Shit happens!". It really does and sometimes it happens again and again. No wise words can easily comfort us when we are feeling down in the corner or when we are licking our own wounds. Again, it is just okey to cry and grieve for it. We are humans. The best thing to do is to to think that blessings or good things also happen and most of the time, they happen again and again. Isn't it nice? Don't wait until you make that failure becomes your excuse from being productive which is what most people are doing wrong. In showbiz, (hehehe), I like Mico Sotto's comforting words when he saw, Angel Locsin crying, "Sige iiyak mo lang yan, pero pag bukas, ummiyak ka pa rin (dahil jan)lagut ka sakin."

http://www.brokenmindset.org/

• Be a wise giver: Giving isn't always in a form of cash or in- kind, it may be in an intangible form such as time, love, encouragement and a whole lot more. To say "a wise giver" would be an understatement as we sometimes give just to feed our "guilt" which lead us to being hosts to parasites instead of helping those that are truly  in need. When we give to person who have the same exact body parts that we have who does nothing and just sit there, we don't feel relieved, we feel burdened. I got this realization from Bo Sanchez who said in his blog, "Remember in Biology, parasites can't exist without a host. So the reason, that there are parasites is because there are people who like to play the role of host." Don't be a host because,in pathology, the host ends up ill. Giving is supposed to be a soul-enriching activity. 

• Make other people happy and be happy for them: that's what happy people do. During my immature days, I secretly laughed at other people's misfortune and resented other people's achievement just like how I reacted on the graduation picture of my former classmates because I was engrossed in my own problems in life.  But it doesn't help. It makes me feel a loser . I got over it eventually since it isn't endorphin- generating. Make other people happy. it won't cost you a dime.

• Above all, TRY:  When I stopped being a people- pleaser, I became "me"- a  go- getter . Then, I did try to change myself, I finally gave up. I discovered that I have ever changing interests and I hate routines and love trying new things though I will always be faithful to writing as my husband. There's not a single time that I regretted trying. So just try. I'm not saying "bite more than you can chew". You'll get stuck doing  everything.You don't want to get chocked. Do you? Chew one thing at a time. (for proper digestion..hehehe). Remember, trying is what those successful people first did before they got to their rightful place on earth. Take that leap of faith. If there's one thing that stays on your mind for quite some time already, It may be worth trying. 

Alright, that's pretty  my idea of built-in happiness. 

So having said that. I've come up with list of things that made me believe I, somehow, have a built- in happiness. These are 10 of the most great feelings in life for me(which are unconsciously the most silly things I celebrate everyday.)

1. The last call within the shift. (all in a day's work as a call center agent. : P)

2. Wearing underwear fresh from the clothesline/dryer. (silly)

3. When the jeep is finally filled with passengers. 

4. When it's finally your turn after standing in line for what seems like forever. (especially at the NBI office)

5. When one of your friend says, " tara, libre kita"

6. When our professor won't show up after over 15 minutes (which means...class dismissed!)

7. When a particular brand of apparel that I've been planning to buy goes on sale. 

8. Seeing a cute baby

9. Catching my crush staring at me.(Sillier)

10 Hearing, "crush din kita" from your crush. (Silliest)

You can come up with your own list and your own definition of built-in happiness too. 

You see, while stress is inevitable, happiness remains to be a choice and is always for free. No point of aiming for a stress- free year/life, you will just be chasing the wind.  Instead, celebrate those simple things and you'll realize that they outnumber your misfortune. 

Don't let anyone unscrew that built-in happiness from you.

☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺

More big words from Gretchen Rubin and Joseph Addison : 

"While people argue that it's selfish to be happy, we should be selfish- if only for selfless reasons."- Rubin

"The three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for"- Addison. 

- Mary Ann Vallente. ☺