Reader's Perspective

30 Days to Taming Your Tongue 

(A Review- Part I)

After months of procrastination, I finally came up with one! Well, I should say, this is the right book for an outspoken person like me who is also  a victim of verbal abuses and bullying; and to those whose tongues had created a rift in a relationship.

Aside from being the first book that urged me to write a review, it has also served as a catalyst to the spiritual change in me NOW (aside from the Holy Bible). I had attended several personal, character and spiritual development seminars in my yesteryears as a student. None of them really penetrated to my soul this deep. I have to admit though, that those trainings made my resume nice to look at and somehow pulled up my class ranking.

Tongue. Anatomically, it aids in mastication and swallowing. In a speech instructor's perspective, it is an articulator. But there is something that's more functional than these literal definitions.

Way back in my 6th grade, my teacher told me that tongue is the only organ that knows no ally. It can betray even your mom, dad and even your own self. "If a person wants to accomplish such a feat with his tongue, he would have to live in total isolation," says the author Deborah Pegues. But that's kind of hard, right? So, I think this book may help you  not on how to isolate yourself from civilization but instead on  how to tame your tongue.

Here are the 30 kinds of tongue we hate and the ways to overcome the ill use of it according to the wisdom of Deborah Smith Pegues in 30 Days to Taming Your Tongue.(the list includes my personal insights and quoted lines from the book. For copies, go to your nearest National Bookstore outlets or other bookstores nationwide.

1. The lying tounge- lying comes in four primary forms: deceitfulness, half- truths, exaggrations and flattery.

Integrity is the virtue that can be destroyed by the lying tongue. "I find it interesting that the word " integrity" derives from the "integer," which is a mathematical term. An integer is a whole number as opposed to a fraction. When we walk in integrity, we tell the whole truth and not just a fraction of it."- Smith

 The "whole" was emphasized. It doesn't just apply to half- truths but also to exaggerations. Exaggeration is not a whole just like improper fractions, as in 4/3. They say honesty is not the best policy, it is the only policy. I say, it is the hardest policy. If heaven is like a police precinct, no doubt lying must be the highest in statistics measured in crime rate per second. White lies are not excused! If so, I would ask, how many of these lies have I contributed.


2. The flattering tongue

Flattery is always done in exchange of a favor or a praise. We find them a lot in showbusiness industry as part of promotional activities. That's why nowadays, we really cannot identify which is a real art because of it. Flattery can be blamed for this.

Flattery is a lie covered in a bed of flower words. Most people who engage in this dishonest communication do so to gain favor. The desired favor is not always something material or tangible....can be an intangible benefit such as acceptance. The flatterer may have low self- worth and believe other will like him if he compliments them.-Smith

3.  Manipulating tongue- the unhealthy side of the influential tongue.According to the book this is for the people who have "Delilah Phobia", who have fear of disclosing their vulnerabilities and decided to keep it themselves. A person with this tongue is a trust- hungry person (like me).

It takes a man bold enough to confront manipulators.

Jesus did so when his enemies spies to Him posing as sincere religious people.They asked the question they thought would surely be self- incriminating and land Him in jail: " Is it lawful for us to pay taxes to Ceasar or not?' but he perceived their craftiness, and said to them, ' Why do you test me?" (LUKE 20: 23 NKJV)....and explained that they should give to Ceasar...whatever belonged to Him and to give God what is due to Him. He refused to be a victim of the manipulation. -Smith

4. The Hasty Tongue-  Hasty means being too hurried or quick. This is exactly the tongue I have since I grow up in a cruel environment where verbal abuse seems to be a daily menu. That actually has made me insensitive.

But hey! here's what I realized!While haste is needed when doing some course of action, it is not helpful if it will be used in communication. This is for people who do not understand the different sensitivity level of the people they are talking to. They just fire remarks without thinking about it.  They justify themselves by saying they are just being frank and straightforward when in fact they are just being intentionally blunt. Next time, promise to first listen and process every words you'll utter before it will create friction in a relationship.

" He who answers before listening- that is his folly and his shame" (Proverbs 18: 13)

5. The Divisive tongue-  for the happy "peace- breaker". In vernacular "balimbing". People who have this kind of tongue tend to destroy relationships by putting words into somebody's mouth, spilling the beans or sometimes bearing false witness against a person or a party just to please or gain trust from the opposing one. Some people even sensationalize a statement or act thus making it sound malicious to the listener or reader. Best examples are showbiz writers. You can also find a lot of people who have Divisive tongue in the neighborhood, in the office or even within your clan and worst is in your church.

Divide and conquer is one of Satan's most effective strategies for hindering the effectiveness of any effort undertaken by two or more people. He knows the power, the synergy, and the blessings that result when we work in Harmony; therefore he makes every effort to bring division.

6. Argumentative tongue- for the attention-seekers or quarrelers who find themselves respectable when they argue like they are in a courtroom. They sometimes do not accept other's opinion. They find themselves "kuyaw" (cebuano term for exceptional or incredible) when they argue and humiliate a person or falsify a claim. My dad call it the Mirriam Defensor Tongue.

Argumentative people enjoy directly resisting anyone whose viewpoint is different from theirs...if you have the tendency to be contentious, remember that it cost you absolutely nothing to respect someone's opinion.

7.  Boasting Tongue- I don't have any statistical data but I believe we all have this- boasting tongue because we all have egos. We have this in our system at different levels from normal to intolerable. Funny, how POLITICIAN automatically came to my mind when I read the title. What's even funnier is that they are boasting things that are not really theirs. But we, ordinary people are not exempted since we all have the itch to boast! I remembered someone told me, "people want to post photos on facebook specially when they are in Starbucks because it is a status symbol." True enough we love to boast our achievements and status symbols or possessions. For some reason,  people feel good when they are treated important. Some even enjoy every jealous stares from people they hate. Hell, I won't dare deny it! But we reminded to tone it down, otherwise no one will talk to us at all or worse, God will take everything from us like what happened to King Nebuchadnezzar in the bible.

"Boasting implies that your good fortune is a result of your own efforts. Have you forgotten that everything came from God?...Whatever skills or talent God has given to you, they are for HIS glory. Learn to take praise in stride. If your popularity increases, don't be intoxicated by the accolades . Remember the praise is like perfume. If you consume it, it will consume you."- Smith

ooOOPs! serry!t
I've read the whole entire book, unfortunately the next 24 kinds of tongue will be coming soon because for some reason somebody stole it from my bookshelf and that is why I have to buy a new one soon.: (